Cougars more like pussy cats in Bruins win

PULLMAN, WA–After the win over Cal, the 6-1 Bruins were riding high heading into their game against 1-7 Washington State. Coach Boreale warned the team about being over-confident, and they played within themselves to win 52-0.

The game began with a Chris Markey 70 yard TD run that was pulled back for holding. That was seemingly the Bruins’ only mistake all game.

Markey had a 55 yard TD run (shown below) and ended the 1st quarter with over 100 yards rushing.

WSU could not stop the run, so passing was not really needed, although KT and Willis Johnson did hook up for one TD.

The defense was incredibly dominant. This game pitted the #1 defense (UCLA) against the #118 offense (WSU). The 31-0 halftime score was no surprise. Coach Boreale put the 2nd string in at the half and they played like champs.

This hit:

by Andy Keane pretty much summed up the entire game.

Game Stats:
Johnson continued his no INT run.
Markey had 139 yards on 11 carries and 2 TDs in only one half of play.
Freshman Bill Carr had 4 tackles, 1 TFL.

No love for Bruins

Despite beating #20 Cal, the 6-1 Bruins received no poll votes this week. In other news, Karl Thurmond was seen sporting a black band on his right arm during practice. When asked to comment on the change, KT was nonresponsive. BRFR will attempt to find out more from the tight-lipped Thurmond. Stay tuned.

On a recruiting note, three top recruits have accepted official visits to UCLA. They are set to watch the UCLA/ASU game in week 12.

Bruins fight Bears and win.

PASADENA, CA–The 20th ranked Cal Bears (5-2) rolled into town with big egos and a lot of swagger. They left with crushed spirits and a new respect for the Bruins. Coach Boreale knew it was only a matter of time before his young team would start to click; and click they did against a ranked conference opponent.

Coach Boreale knew it would be a long game from the opening kick-off. UCLA received the opening kick, fumbled the return, which was recovered by Cal, who then fumbled, which was recovered by UCLA!

Jimmy Stevens continues to make a name for himself as a TD machine with 10 carries for 60 yards and 2 TDs.

Relatively quiet vato loco Steven Urrutia tried to make his case for the Castillo Scholarship with this QB sack:

Halftime score: 21-10.

The UCLA Defense held Cal fairly well in the first half, but they really turned up the heat in the second. The crowd was also a factor, as it got louder as the game wore on.

Timi Barnes made up for his weak name by scoring a TD on this interception return.

Timi finished the day with 3 tackles, 2 INTs, and 1 TD. He was named Pac-10 Defensive player of the week; UCLA’s first player of the week this season.

By the 4th quarter, the “Over-rated” chants began, and the game was basically over. Final score: 35-10.

Game Stats:
310 yard total offense
Defense snagged 3 INTs (2 by Barnes)
Willis Johnson went 12-14 for 167 yards, 2TDs, and 0 INTs
Stevens had 10 carries for 60 yards and 2 TDs
Thurmond and Slater picked up a TD each.
Patrick Petty had 3 punts for a 48 yard average, with a 52 yard long.

Jocks + Nerds = Ass-whoopin’

PALO ALTO, CA–The Bruins stormed into northern California to take on the 2-4 Stanford Cardinal, and the result was not unexpected. The game started off with Chris Markey breaking a 41 yard run on the first play from scrimmage.

Jimmy Stevens had 3 touchdowns in the first quarter + 10 seconds. Here he is scoring TD #2:

The score was 31-7 at the half. Coach Boreale put the second string in for the fourth quarter, and the final score was 41-7.

GAME NOTES:
403 yards of total offense
Willis Johnson breaks his INT streak by going 9-13 160yds 1TD and 0 INTs
Markey: 14 carries, 137 yds, 1TD
Stevens: 9 carries, 75 yds, 3TDs
Karl Thurmond: 3 rec, 40 yds, 1 TD
Mario Sanford put in a genius grant worthy performance by hitting 2 FGs, one for 43 yards, and saying the F-word 86 times in the game.

Grandpa Boreale announces: “Times are bad.”

RIO RICO, AZ–In a stunning change to the Mike Boreale F*cking Genius Grant, Grandpa Boreale has announced that for this year only, the Cadillac car will no longer be a part of the award.

Instead, this car:

will be the new award. Grandpa Boreale decreed that if John Castorani repeats as the award winner this year, he can keep his Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham.

An interview with Karl Thurmond

Boreale Foreale: Karl, this season you have emerged as the top TE on the Bruins. What brought that on?

Karl Thurmond: Yo, I don’t mean to be rude, but I got to meet my shorty in Redondo in like, 25 minutes, so could you knock it off with the Urkel-talk?

BRFR: Sure. This season has been a break-out year for you, yes?

KT: Shit. I’ve always had the skills to roll with the big dogs. You bitches in the media just been disrespectin’ me for too long, know what I’m sayin’?

BRFR: Is the media taking notice of your play now?

KT: I got mad ups and mad hands. You Poindexters are just now recognizin’ what it is to be Karl Thurmond.

BRFR: Growing up as a white person in Compton must have been difficult.

KT: Ain’t no thing, dog. My homies in the CPT are like my family. They’re my dogs, you know what I’m sayin’? I did what I had to do for my homies and got mad props. Respect, you know what I’m sayin’?

BRFR: What types of things did you have to do for your “homies” in Compton.

KT: What happens on Crenshaw, stays on Crenshaw, ya heard? Me and my dogs are tight, you know. I got their backs.

BRFR: Enough said. Trey Brown is one of your best friends on the team. Why Trey and not another TE?

KT: T-Money keeps it real, you know what I’m sayin’? He’s hard, from the streets of Diamond Bar. We can relate to each other. He also kicks it with some fly bitches.

BRFR: Word is you are currently in a relationship with Cullen Knight’s sister, Taquisha.

KT: Do you see her name tatooed on my anywhere? Sure we kick it sometimes, but we ain’t married. What, you want Karl to have white picket fence and shit? Fuck that.

BRFR: You do spend a lot of time in Redondo Beach.

KT: You think Taquisha is the only ho in Redondo? Hoes in Redondo are like corn in Nebraska. Me and Trey are the huskers. Know what I’m sayin’?

BRFR: I think I do. Back to the team, what is your view of the future of the Bruins TE corps?

KT: I’ll continue to dominate. Ken Battle is going to be a baller. That’s about it.

BRFR: Will Mike Down’s return next season have an impact?

KT: Downs? Shit, if you think having a retard on your team means having an impact. Oh, you didn’t know? Yeah, Down’s Syndrome is named after Mike because he is such a little punk-ass bitch.

BRFR: So you were not excited about his return from SJSU?

KT: He should have kept his little white ass in San Jose. He best not front on me, or mad-dog me anymore this season; I might have to go CPT on his ass.

BRFR: They say you’ve been doing most of the “mad-dogging.”

KT: I just keep it real, yo. Ain’t no thing. Look, Bill Gates, I think Taquisha’s here, and I got to get some Jimmy hats before the Osco closes. Peace.

Defensive Powerhouse Returns to Westwood

PASADENA, CA–The dominating Bruins defense of 2006 has finally shown some real sparks of life in 07. In a victory that meant a lot to Coach Boreale, the D held Notre Dame to -1 yard of total offense. 19 yards passing and -18 yards rushing. Notre Dame is a rush-heavy team that played right into the UCLA defense’s strength.

The defense played so well, that it sparked the offense too. Final score 35-7. Willis Johnson continued his INT streak by going 11 for 17 for 187 yards with 1 TD and 1 INT. Jimmy Stevens had an all Pac-10 performance with 71 yards on 14 carries with 3 TDs. Somehow he was not the player of the week.

Thugged out TE Karl Thurmond, shown here, had 3 receptions for 42 yards and 1 TD.

He also tried stab a Notre Dame Free Safety with his belt buckle. Some are concerned that Karl’s delinquent behavior will cost the team.

Despite the convincing win, there are rumors circulating around Westwood that Coach Boreale will be let go at season’s end.

UCLA is too much for #25 Oregon State

CORVALLIS, OR–The UCLA Bruins improved to 2-0 in the Pac-10, after beating Oregon State 10-7 in one of the greatest games of all time.

The defense shut down the usually high powered Beaver offense. Marty Hampton had 3 tackles, 2 for loss, and a sack. Kwame Huff had 4 tackles, 2 for loss, and an INT.

You would think that the Bruins would have won easily, but the offense struggled, mostly due to Willis Johnson’s 3 interceptions. He went 11 for 21 for 144 yards and a TD. By contrast, back-up Patrick Cowan, who came in when Johnson sat out the 4th Quarter with back spasms, went 6 for 7 for 119 yards.

Chris Markey, seen below, had nearly a 100 yard rushing performance on 13 carries, and Jimmy Stevens tacked on another TD and had 48 yards on 12 carries. Stevens, an impact player with a 90+ overall rating, is getting better by the game.

Former Schiavone Trophy candidate Matt Slater had over 100 yards receiving on 7 catches.

Bruins top Washington in Pac 10 opener

SEATTLE, WA–The UCLA offense is finally starting to click, due in large part to the switch to the ND playbook. The blend of Ace, I, and Shotgun sets has really made the passing game come alive and made the run more effective. Final score 21-7.

Big Willis Johnson went 14 for 23 with 209 yds 1 TD and 1 INT.

FB Jimmy Stevens rumbled for 50 yards on 10 carries and 2 TDs including the 1 yd run seen here.

Johnson did a good job of spreading the ball around. Four receivers had multiple catches of over 30 yards.

Defense was solid, but not the juggernaut of last season.