Bruins beat Aztecs “Conquistador-style” in 40-0 win

SAN DIEGO, CA–The Bruins were looking to nurse their wounds after the tough loss to Tennessee.  The 3-0 SDSU Aztecs were the unfortunate recipients of this in-state beating.  The defense got the job done, holding SDSU to 19 yards of total offense.  They had 3 sacks and 1 INT courtesy of LeBron Thomas.  The score was 17-0 at the half.  

Terrell Thompson exhibited some maturity in the running game, while Willis Johnson settled down, going 8-13 for 123 yards, 2 TDs and 1 INT.  Somehow he also managed 16 yards rushing and 1 rushing TD.  Of the rushing TD he said, “My arm wasn’t working so well last week, so I thought I’d give my legs a try. ” 

Coach Boreale has considered adding the option as a viable red-zone option.

Mario Sanford had a magical night, hitting two field goals, one for 58 yards!  After hitting the FG, Mario pulled a salami sandwich out of his shoulder pad, and a jar of Mister Mustard from the goalpost pad.  He put T.O.’s Sharpie trick to shame. 

SEC payback against Volunteers

PASADENA, CA–The #3 ranked Tennessee Volunteers and Willis Johnson’s awful case of interception and fumblitis proved too much for the Bruins. Final score: 28-14, but the game was not that close.  Tennessee’s HB was the Heisman front-runner heading into the game.  While the D did its best to shut him down, he still finished with 12 carries for 128 yards and a TD, although most of his rushing yards came the second play from scrimmage–a 65 yard run.

 Said Defensive Capt. Rashaud Swann after the game “We didn’t bring it today.  What can I say?  The D could have been more in sync; Johnson’s frickin’ turnovers didn’t help either.”

Despite 3 first half turnovers, all by Johnson, the Bruins kept it close at 7-0 Tennessee.

The Bruins made a nice drive to end the half, but came up short of the endzone.  Usual bit player Chris McPherson came up with a big day due to a mismatch at CB.  He finished the day with 6 receptions for 100 yards, including this catch during the late 1st half drive. 

The running game was absolutely shut down, and Johnson was sacked 4 times, losing 57 yards in the process.  Johnson finished the day 14-26 for 308 yards 2 TDs and…wait for it, 4 INTERCEPTIONS and a fumble to boot. 

At the post-game press conference, Willis was asked about his ability to lead the team.  “I am the offensive captain.  I have to set the tone for the guys out there.  All my life, my dad has been letting me know what a loser I am.  Nothing is good enough for the Colonel.  I guess his voice is in my head every time I throw the ball.  During my three-step drop, it’s like ‘Loser! Loser! Loser!’  I’m not trying to make excuses, but it is tough out there.  Every INT just proves my old man right.  I hate him.”  Willis then cried for 15 minutes. 

Coach Boreale has chosen a wait and see approach to the QB spot, as Johnson’s mental toughness and manliness is increasingly called into question.   Fan favorite Karl Thurmond and up and comer Mike Goss had 94 yards, 1 TD and 109 yard, 1 TD, respectively.  

 Regarding this catch Thurmond was quoted as saying, “I just showed those bitches how we do in the C.P.T.  Why are they so big on volunteering anyhow?  I’ve never volunteered for anything in my life.  I rode the back of the bus, chump!”  With that, KT peeled out in a ‘91 Toyota Supra with the “whistle-tips” and jumped on the interstate towards Redondo Beach.

UCLA dropped to #18 with the loss.