“What’chu talkin’ ’bout Willis?: BRFR sits down with Willis Johnson

Boreale Foreale:  We are lucky this morning to have the opportunity to talk to Willis Johnson, UCLA quarterback and offensive captain.  Willis, thanks for joining BRFR.

 Willis Johnson: SIR, YES, SIR!!

BRFR: No need for the formalities son.

 WJ: Sorry, sometimes I forget that I’m not on base.

BRFR: You’re not actually in the Marines, right Willis?

WJ: Well, no, not technically.  I have spent a lot of time down in Oceanside, so I guess I just picked up the lingo. 

BRFR: You did spent a bye week at the Marine Corp boot camp recently.  How has that helped your game?

 WJ:  I learned to be disciplined.  I learned to think like a warrior on the field.  To be a leader to my teammates.

BRFR: You have seemed much more mobile since the boot camp experience, even getting some rushing TDs under your belt.  Why the change?

WJ: The drill sergeants would make us run and march wearing 50 pound packs, so it was like swinging a weighted bat compared to the football pads.

BRFR: What has it been like to finally cross that goal line?

WJ:  First I think of my mom, and hope that my victories help her forget about Dana Plato.  Then I think of my dad and how I was never good enough for him. 

BRFR: Your teammates seem to give you a wide berth after a TD, as you are often seen screaming at the goal posts.

(At this point in the interview, Willis Johnson proceeds to lay down on the floor of the BRFR office.)

WJ: I just envision the goal post as my dad.  I say, “Is that what you want, you bastard?!”  “Am I good enough for you now?!”  “I hate you!”

BRFR:  Wow, you definitely have some unresolved “daddy” issues.  Although no one here at BRFR is a licensed psychologist, we’d like to try to help you overcome these difficulties.

WJ: Okay.

BRFR: What makes you happy, Willis?

WJ: Sunsets, chocolate cake, and, of course, Diff’rent Strokes episodes.

BRFR: Have you thought about envisioning Conrad Bain (Mr. Drummond) as your father instead of your real father?

WJ: Every day of my life.

BRFR: Perhaps considering Todd Bridges, Gary Coleman and the gang as members of the Bruins would help improve your performance?

WJ:  Yes.  I think that would be awesome!  I’m going to start picturing Terrell Thompson as Arnold Jackson; I’ll be Willis, and Coach Boreale could be Mrs. Garrett.

BRFR: I’m sure Terrell and Coach Boreale will love that.  Speaking of love, Willis, your teammates have noted that you don’t really have any one special in your life.  Why is that?

WJ:  I just haven’t found the right person.  If only someone like Kimberley Drummond would come along.

BRFR:  You mean a cracked-out, down on her luck, washed up childhood star like Dana Plato?

(Willis then stood up, burst into tears, and lunged at his interviewer.)

WJ: DON”T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT DANA THAT WAY!!

BRFR: Looks like this interview is over.  What ever it takes to keep winning ballgames; stay crazy Willis, stay crazy.

#14 Bruins take down OSU

PASADENA, CA–Despite a slight hiccup against Stanford, the #14 UCLA Bruins (7-2 (5-1)) have resumed their Pac-10 dominance against the Beavers of Oregon State (5-4 (3-3)).

 This game was over by half time as Terrell Thomson  had 111 rushing yards and 2 TDs in the first quarter(!).  The game was a real snoozer.  Coach Boreale put the 2nd Team in at half time. 

Mario Sanford did manage to kick a 54 yard field goal.  Thompson ended the first half and the day with 138 yards on 13 carries and 2 TDs.  Willis Johnson went 4 of 7 for 100 yards and 1 TD, plus 1 rushing TD. 

 The defense went about their business in their usual quiet, workmanlike manner and held the Beavers to -4 yards of total offense. 

Final score 41-0 (35-0 at the 1/2).  Most of the crowd left by halftime to go to the mini-burning man festival/Phish tribute concert.

Pac 10 showdown as #17 UCLA meets #16 Cal

Berekely, CA–The 6-2 (4-1) Bruins rolled into Northern California to take on the 7-1 (5-0) Cal Bears with the ghosts of the Stanford loss still weighing heavily on their minds.

The concern over the match-up proved to be unfounded as the Bruins won out in a hard-fought game.  The score was 17-7 at the half, while the final turned out to be 29-7. 

The defense continued their aggressive play, with Jonas Godsey being the standout.  He had 5 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 1 INT, 1 pass deflection, and 1 forced fumble.  He was named player of the game.

Terrell Thompson and Stephen Gold have developed into a real thunder and lightning backfield.  Thompson had 20 carries for 145 yds and a TD and Gold had 12 carries for 67 yds and a TD.

 On the offensive line, Carter, Robinette, and Carlson had 4 pancakes each. 

After the game, UCLA moved up to #14 in the polls.  Jonathan Richard committed and Cody Carter showed up at #2 in the Rimington voting.  With his 25 pancakes and only 2 sacks allowed, he has earned the nickname “IHOP” for International House of Pancakes.

Recruits impressed by win over WSU

PASADENA, CA–With their starting QB back from a boot camp sabbatical, the Bruins made it a point to show the recruits in attendance that the loss to Stanford was an anomaly.

 The now 5-2 (3-1) #18 ranked Bruins easily handled the 2-6 (1-4) Cougars.  The Bruins took the score to 28-0 after the 1st Q.  Halftime it was 31-0, and the final was 45-3.  The second string was in at the start of the 4th Q.

 The offensive line took care of business and did not allow a sack all game.  Willis Johnson’s new found discipline paid off.  He went 6-10 for 77 yds, 3 TDs, 0 INT.  After the game he said, “I dedicate this game to my new brothers in the US Marine Corps.  I hope the my win over the 2-6 Cougars inspires them to defeat the Taliban in Afghanistan.”

 Terrell Thompson had another 100 yd plus game, with 16 carries for 130 yds and 1 TD.

Stephen Gold has developed into an offensive workhorse.  2 receptions for 18 yds and 1 TD and 7 carries for 41 hard-earned yds. 

Chris McPherson and Mike Goss both ended up with 2 reception each and a TD.

Scott McElroy was named Pac-10 player of the week for his 35 yd INT return TD.

The performance earned UCLA three top commits after the game:

#1 CB Courtney Anderson from Sierra Vista, AZ

#1 OLB Mark Lilly from Sun City West, AZ

#3 OLB Jesse Bennett from Highland, CA

Despite the media gag order, #4 QB Jonathan Richard (say Re-shard) from West Hollywood, CA, was able to catch the broadcast on his fathers’ vintage 1930’s radio and gave Coach B a soft verbal commitment.

Willis Johnson MIA during bye week

PASADENA, CA–Willis Johnson was no where to be found during UCLA week 9 bye.  Rumors were swirling around campus, with theories ranging from a Vegas bender, to a Tijuana abortion, to a Bakersfield auto-erotic asphyxiation.

 The reality was less exciting, as it turns out that Willis ran off to spend a week at the Marine Corps boot camp in Oceanside.

“I wanted to learn some discipline, which I felt was sorely lacking,” said Willis.  “Over the past few games I’ve let my team down, the coaches, and my family.  Many of the skills I learned at boot camp will translate to the football field and to everyday life.  I’ve cleaned up my apartment, and hope to be smart out there and throw better passes.” 

 Coach Boreale was relieved to have his starting QB back.  “I’m just glad he didn’t kill himself,” he said.

Ducks fall to revived Bruins

EUGENE, OR–The 2-4 (0-3) Oregon Ducks were no match for the #20 ranked UCLA Bruins. 

The game was simply total domination by UCLA.  The score at the half was 38-0.  Final score was 48-7.  The 2nd string was in at the half.  UCLA had no turnovers all game.

 Key Stats:

Willis Johnson: 4-6, 49 yds, 2 TD (1st half only)

Terrell Thompson: 18 carries, 145 yds, 2 TD (1st half only)

Patrick Cowan: 3-3, 72 yds

Mario Sanford: 2-2 FG, long of 50 yds, 6 EP

Coach Boreale rallies Bruins over Wildcats

PASADENA, CA–After the devastating loss to Stanford, Coach Boreale declared a sweeping media ban.  No photos or video of UCLA practices or games until further notice.

 The media ban was in full force as the 3-2 (1-1) Bruins took on the 4-1 (1-1) Arizona Wildcats.  This turned out to be a statement game for UCLA, though it didn’t begin that way. 

 The Wildcats man-handled the Bruins during the first half.  Willis Johnson threw 2 interceptions and the offense had another fumble during the first half.  Score at halftime: 17-12 Arizona.

During halftime, Coach Boreale delivered one of the all-time great speeches, in an effort to rally his troops.  Said Coach B, “All of the events of your lives have been leading up to this moment.  Yes, we lost to Stanford last week.  Yes, we are losing this game right now.  Remember that the true measure of a man is not how he reacts in the warm afterglow of victory, but rather how he performs in the cold, dim light of failure.  A real winner will always rise after a loss, dust himself off, and give 100% time and time again.  I want each of you to look inside yourselves and find out if you are winners or losers.  Don’t give me an answer now, show me on the field.  Go Bruins!”

 With that, the Bruins came out in the second half as a team possessed.  The defense put on one of their most aggressive performances to date.  Stat-wise, they had and interception and a forced fumble and recovery.  They also had 2 roughing the kicker penalties and a roughing the passer.  The defense played as solid unit.

 The unity of the defense helped bring the offense together as well.  The Bruins showed a spark of life that hasn’t been seen in weeks.  Final score: UCLA 41, UA 17. 

Key Stats:

Willis Johnson: 7-15 for 142 yds, 2 TD, 2 INT; 5 carries, 41 yds, 1 rushing TD

Terrell Thompson: 17 carries, 109 yds, 1 TD
Stephen Gold: 10 carries, 44yds, 1 TD

Mike Goss: 4 rec, 77 yds, 2 TD

Mario Sanford: 2 for 2 FG, long 45 yds

Rashaud Swann: 4 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 1 FF

Diabolical nerds calculate victory over Bruins

PASADENA, CA–Coach Boreale was in seclusion after the devastating loss to the Stanford Poindexters.  “I let the team down this week.  I underestimated the Cardinal, and did not prepare them well enough.  I take full responsibility.” 

Final score was 20-7 Stanford.  This game was defined by defense and turnovers.  Stanford ended the day with only 139 yards of total offense, while the Bruins had 189.  “Wilting” Willis Johnson was sacked 7 times and the Bruins turned the ball over 6 times (2 fumbles, 4 INTs)!  Johnson went 11-25 for 177 yards, 0 TD and 4 INTs.  Coach B asked “How is this guy rated 99 overall?”  He lost 58 yards in sacks.  In his defense, his receivers dropped a lot of passes, especially after taking some vicious hits from the Stanford secondary. 

Terrell Thompson had a couple of good runs, but the running game was essentially shut down by Stanford’s unbelievable LB corp. 

Said Terrell after the game, “I went to high school with a few of these guys.  It was bittersweet, I guess.  To lose the game but see old friends.  A lot of these guys are not as nerdy as you would think.  They did manage to patent 3 unique beer bong designs in high school.  I was recruited heavily by Stanford you know, and I would have gone, except that it is too close to East Palo Alto, and there were not nearly enough fly bitches around on my official visit.  I’m not worried, I’m gonna take it to these nerds in MBA school.”

Stanford MLB Barrett Busch (yes, of Anheiser Busch) was a machine; he had 4 tackles, 1 TFL, a sack, an INT, and a fumble recovery.  Speaking of recovery, he had to find an AA meeting after the game as part of his probation.

The Bruins dropped to #20 on the loss.  5-0 Stanford is apparently going to sneak up on some teams this season, with their hard-hitting, aggressive, nerdy defense.

Bruins handle Huskies in Pac-10 opener

SEATTLE, WA–The 1-2 Washington Huskies posed little threat to the Bruins this week, as UCLA was clearly a dominant team.  The score was 28-0 at the half, when Coach B took out the starters.  Final score: 38-7. 

 

Terrell Thompson finished the day with 9 carries for 23 yards and 1 TD in the first half.

Willis Johnson went 9 for 12 for 94 yards 1 passing TD, 1 rushing TD, and 1 INT.  Willis has developed a new found appreciation for the option, which seems to be the only thing that keeps his INTs down.

The game was beneficial for the Freshman on defense, who got some good PT. 

Mike Goss caught the TD pass shown here.

There were no real standouts on defense.  Everyone did their part, as they have most of the season. 

In other Pac-10 news, Arizona upset #13 USC.  UA Freshman TE Kory Mitchell had 10 receptions for 145 yards and 3 TDs.

UCLA moved up to #14 with the win.  Up next, unranked, but 4-0 Stanford.

Bruins 2008 Schedule

Pre-season rank: #14

Week 1: at #18 Auburn

Week 2: #3 Tennessee

Week 3: bye

Week 4: at SDSU

Week 5: at Washington

Week 6: Stanford

Week 7: Arizona

Week 8: at Oregon

Week 9: bye

Week 10: Washington St.

Week 11: at #19 Cal

Week 12: Oregon St.

Week 13: at ASU

Week 14: #8 USC

Strength of Schdule: A+