ASU girls can’t distract Bruins

PASADENA, CA–The 5-4 Sun Devils were no match for the 8-1 UCLA Bruins at the Rose Bowl, which is quickly becoming a tough place for visiting teams.  Three major recruits scheduled their official visits during the ASU weekend: #1 SS Ramon Green; #1 CB Clint Henry; and #8 DE Mario Sampson.  The Bruins did not disappoint.

 Once again, the defense was the real motivating force.  They had 5 sacks, two of which were by Andy Keane, shown here:

The offense was remarkably efficient.  Willis Johnson went 9 for 13 for 162 yards and 1TD.  Offensive Captain Trey Brown had 4 receptions for 69 yards and this TD:

Check out that 14 inch vertical!  Trey was not very productive for the rest of the game because he drank a 40 of “OE” as part of his TD celebration.  Karl Thurmond also drank a 40, although he didn’t score a TD all game. 

Jimmy Stevens and Chris Markey have developed into a real “Thunder and Lightning” combo.  Chris had 22 carries for 128 yards rushing and a TD, while Jimmy had 16 carries for 81 yards and 3 TDs.  “Jerk Giant” Gary Tinsley had 9 pancakes during the game, then ate 12 pancakes afterward.  He also shook down the redshirt freshmen for pancake and gas money.

All in all, the Bruins’ performance was enough to cause Clint Henry and Mario Sampson to commit after the game.  Final score 35-0.  Also, Karl Thurmond hooked up with these chicks from Tempe, which caused some drama with Taquisha.

It’s good to be back in Tucson

TUCSON, AZ–Coach Boreale enjoyed being back in Tucson this week; he saw old friends, ate at some favorite restaurants, paid a visit to Grandma and Grandpa Boreale, and coached his Bruins to a 28-10 victory over the 4-4 UA Wildcats.

The ‘Cats heavy CB double team of Trey Brown left freshman wide-out Mike Goss open for some big plays. He finished the day with 3 receptions for 79 yards and 2 TDs, including the one shown below.

Willis Johnson went 11-15 for 226 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT, after having gone interception-free for the past three games.

The real story of the game, however, was the defense. The Bruins had 8 sacks in the game, exploiting some mismatches on the line. Andy Keane had another great outing.

The defensive star of the game was Kevin Brown who ended the game with 6 tackles (4 for loss) and 3 sacks! He was named Pac-10 Player of the Week. He is shown in action below.

After the win, the 8-1 Bruins are finally ranked, coming in a #24 in the BCS, Coaches, and Media polls. Inexplicably, the 7-3 Cal Bears, who UCLA beat earlier this season, are ranked #23.

Next week is a big conference game against ASU, with 3 top recruits in attendance.

No respect for Bruins after impressive win

Despite man-handling WSU to go up to a 7-1 record and 2nd place in the Pac-10, UCLA is not ranked in this week’s coaches or BCS poll. The media did throw UCLA a bone and rank them #25.

Coach Boreale suspects that the Coaches Poll anti-UCLA bias stems from last year’s awards banquet, when Coach Boreale ate most of a cake meant to honor Joe Paterno’s lifetime achievement award before the ceremony began. He assures BRFR that he paid a hefty price indeed.

In other news, the award semi-finalists were released this week.

Karl Thurmond: Best TE
Gary Tinsley: Best OL
Cody Carter: Rimington
Mario Sanford: Groza

Cougars more like pussy cats in Bruins win

PULLMAN, WA–After the win over Cal, the 6-1 Bruins were riding high heading into their game against 1-7 Washington State. Coach Boreale warned the team about being over-confident, and they played within themselves to win 52-0.

The game began with a Chris Markey 70 yard TD run that was pulled back for holding. That was seemingly the Bruins’ only mistake all game.

Markey had a 55 yard TD run (shown below) and ended the 1st quarter with over 100 yards rushing.

WSU could not stop the run, so passing was not really needed, although KT and Willis Johnson did hook up for one TD.

The defense was incredibly dominant. This game pitted the #1 defense (UCLA) against the #118 offense (WSU). The 31-0 halftime score was no surprise. Coach Boreale put the 2nd string in at the half and they played like champs.

This hit:

by Andy Keane pretty much summed up the entire game.

Game Stats:
Johnson continued his no INT run.
Markey had 139 yards on 11 carries and 2 TDs in only one half of play.
Freshman Bill Carr had 4 tackles, 1 TFL.

No love for Bruins

Despite beating #20 Cal, the 6-1 Bruins received no poll votes this week. In other news, Karl Thurmond was seen sporting a black band on his right arm during practice. When asked to comment on the change, KT was nonresponsive. BRFR will attempt to find out more from the tight-lipped Thurmond. Stay tuned.

On a recruiting note, three top recruits have accepted official visits to UCLA. They are set to watch the UCLA/ASU game in week 12.

Bruins fight Bears and win.

PASADENA, CA–The 20th ranked Cal Bears (5-2) rolled into town with big egos and a lot of swagger. They left with crushed spirits and a new respect for the Bruins. Coach Boreale knew it was only a matter of time before his young team would start to click; and click they did against a ranked conference opponent.

Coach Boreale knew it would be a long game from the opening kick-off. UCLA received the opening kick, fumbled the return, which was recovered by Cal, who then fumbled, which was recovered by UCLA!

Jimmy Stevens continues to make a name for himself as a TD machine with 10 carries for 60 yards and 2 TDs.

Relatively quiet vato loco Steven Urrutia tried to make his case for the Castillo Scholarship with this QB sack:

Halftime score: 21-10.

The UCLA Defense held Cal fairly well in the first half, but they really turned up the heat in the second. The crowd was also a factor, as it got louder as the game wore on.

Timi Barnes made up for his weak name by scoring a TD on this interception return.

Timi finished the day with 3 tackles, 2 INTs, and 1 TD. He was named Pac-10 Defensive player of the week; UCLA’s first player of the week this season.

By the 4th quarter, the “Over-rated” chants began, and the game was basically over. Final score: 35-10.

Game Stats:
310 yard total offense
Defense snagged 3 INTs (2 by Barnes)
Willis Johnson went 12-14 for 167 yards, 2TDs, and 0 INTs
Stevens had 10 carries for 60 yards and 2 TDs
Thurmond and Slater picked up a TD each.
Patrick Petty had 3 punts for a 48 yard average, with a 52 yard long.

Jocks + Nerds = Ass-whoopin’

PALO ALTO, CA–The Bruins stormed into northern California to take on the 2-4 Stanford Cardinal, and the result was not unexpected. The game started off with Chris Markey breaking a 41 yard run on the first play from scrimmage.

Jimmy Stevens had 3 touchdowns in the first quarter + 10 seconds. Here he is scoring TD #2:

The score was 31-7 at the half. Coach Boreale put the second string in for the fourth quarter, and the final score was 41-7.

GAME NOTES:
403 yards of total offense
Willis Johnson breaks his INT streak by going 9-13 160yds 1TD and 0 INTs
Markey: 14 carries, 137 yds, 1TD
Stevens: 9 carries, 75 yds, 3TDs
Karl Thurmond: 3 rec, 40 yds, 1 TD
Mario Sanford put in a genius grant worthy performance by hitting 2 FGs, one for 43 yards, and saying the F-word 86 times in the game.

Grandpa Boreale announces: “Times are bad.”

RIO RICO, AZ–In a stunning change to the Mike Boreale F*cking Genius Grant, Grandpa Boreale has announced that for this year only, the Cadillac car will no longer be a part of the award.

Instead, this car:

will be the new award. Grandpa Boreale decreed that if John Castorani repeats as the award winner this year, he can keep his Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham.

An interview with Karl Thurmond

Boreale Foreale: Karl, this season you have emerged as the top TE on the Bruins. What brought that on?

Karl Thurmond: Yo, I don’t mean to be rude, but I got to meet my shorty in Redondo in like, 25 minutes, so could you knock it off with the Urkel-talk?

BRFR: Sure. This season has been a break-out year for you, yes?

KT: Shit. I’ve always had the skills to roll with the big dogs. You bitches in the media just been disrespectin’ me for too long, know what I’m sayin’?

BRFR: Is the media taking notice of your play now?

KT: I got mad ups and mad hands. You Poindexters are just now recognizin’ what it is to be Karl Thurmond.

BRFR: Growing up as a white person in Compton must have been difficult.

KT: Ain’t no thing, dog. My homies in the CPT are like my family. They’re my dogs, you know what I’m sayin’? I did what I had to do for my homies and got mad props. Respect, you know what I’m sayin’?

BRFR: What types of things did you have to do for your “homies” in Compton.

KT: What happens on Crenshaw, stays on Crenshaw, ya heard? Me and my dogs are tight, you know. I got their backs.

BRFR: Enough said. Trey Brown is one of your best friends on the team. Why Trey and not another TE?

KT: T-Money keeps it real, you know what I’m sayin’? He’s hard, from the streets of Diamond Bar. We can relate to each other. He also kicks it with some fly bitches.

BRFR: Word is you are currently in a relationship with Cullen Knight’s sister, Taquisha.

KT: Do you see her name tatooed on my anywhere? Sure we kick it sometimes, but we ain’t married. What, you want Karl to have white picket fence and shit? Fuck that.

BRFR: You do spend a lot of time in Redondo Beach.

KT: You think Taquisha is the only ho in Redondo? Hoes in Redondo are like corn in Nebraska. Me and Trey are the huskers. Know what I’m sayin’?

BRFR: I think I do. Back to the team, what is your view of the future of the Bruins TE corps?

KT: I’ll continue to dominate. Ken Battle is going to be a baller. That’s about it.

BRFR: Will Mike Down’s return next season have an impact?

KT: Downs? Shit, if you think having a retard on your team means having an impact. Oh, you didn’t know? Yeah, Down’s Syndrome is named after Mike because he is such a little punk-ass bitch.

BRFR: So you were not excited about his return from SJSU?

KT: He should have kept his little white ass in San Jose. He best not front on me, or mad-dog me anymore this season; I might have to go CPT on his ass.

BRFR: They say you’ve been doing most of the “mad-dogging.”

KT: I just keep it real, yo. Ain’t no thing. Look, Bill Gates, I think Taquisha’s here, and I got to get some Jimmy hats before the Osco closes. Peace.

Defensive Powerhouse Returns to Westwood

PASADENA, CA–The dominating Bruins defense of 2006 has finally shown some real sparks of life in 07. In a victory that meant a lot to Coach Boreale, the D held Notre Dame to -1 yard of total offense. 19 yards passing and -18 yards rushing. Notre Dame is a rush-heavy team that played right into the UCLA defense’s strength.

The defense played so well, that it sparked the offense too. Final score 35-7. Willis Johnson continued his INT streak by going 11 for 17 for 187 yards with 1 TD and 1 INT. Jimmy Stevens had an all Pac-10 performance with 71 yards on 14 carries with 3 TDs. Somehow he was not the player of the week.

Thugged out TE Karl Thurmond, shown here, had 3 receptions for 42 yards and 1 TD.

He also tried stab a Notre Dame Free Safety with his belt buckle. Some are concerned that Karl’s delinquent behavior will cost the team.

Despite the convincing win, there are rumors circulating around Westwood that Coach Boreale will be let go at season’s end.